Empty

I'm empty.

Not in a negative, depressed kind of way and not in a positive, peaceful kind of way. I don't really know what I mean by it. It's just how I feel. Empty.

Actually there's a lot of other stuff going on in my head which kind of makes the empty comment pretty meaningless but since no-one actually reads this crap anyway who cares if it makes any sense? Yes i'm tired and frustrated and annoyed and a little more alive than I've felt for a long time but through it all i just feel empty. I want to hide. not from anyone or anything in particular. I'm not one for running away. What's the point? where ever I run I'll be right there with me anyway. No, I just want to hide for a while so that i can just be me. Me. alone. empty. I need to be free to be empty. free to be an empty me. just me. alone.

I'm tired of carrying stuff. can I just put some of this crap down, dump all the garbage, dump these burdens I'm carrying (yes, that's the same burdens i keep telling my youth they have to let go. does that make me a hypocrite? i guess it does.) half of them aren't even mine anyway, most of the rest is just stuff I've picked up along the way and never seem to be able to put down. there's a good chunk of stuff that comes with my job, there's the family stuff and then theres the deep, dark, me stuff. all stuff, all heavy and i'm tired of carrying it all. I just want to dump it all, strip off and walked naked and free into hiding.

naked. empty. me.

that's it. rant over.

Good night.